Preschool Mornings

Can someone please tell me I'm not the only one?!

This morning was hell a little crazy around our house.  Seriously.  Quick summary....

I woke up a half hour late (thank you Boo for crying all night, poor things gums are killing him).  Gator thought it would be fun to not listen to a word I said.  After being forced to listen, Gator thought doing things as slow as possible was a great idea.  Boo wouldn't wake up... refused... changed his diaper and had him fully dressed and he was still snoring.  Dante the doggie refused to go out in the rain.  Gator refused to sit still for me to put her hair up...

It was just one of those days. 

I strive to send Gator out the door every day with a smile.  I started this long ago when we would have Monkey (my *extra* child) to get off to school.  I can't see sending my Little's off to school knowing that they are already having a bad day... how could school go well then?

So this morning, as I pulled Gator from room to room in a desperate attempt to get her teeth brushed and her shoes tied and her put up, I cringed when I heard my own voice sounding... so... mean.  Was that me??  I'm not a yeller.  I'm not usually even a mean voice mommy.  But this morning I was at my breaking point... and there was no walking away to calm down... there was only a "get your backpack and get in the car right this second!  Stop poking your brother!  We're late!  Why did you take your lunch box out of your back pack?  Get in the car now, now, now!"

I almost cried after the kids were strapped in their carseats (and I had run back inside to retrieve my forgotten lifeline cell phone). 

As I pulled out of the driveway I looked over my shoulder at Gators miserable little face.  "Hey Gator, I love you." "I love you too, Momma."  "I'm sorry this morning was so crazy, and I'm sorry I had to get on to you."  Silence... "I wish I didn't have to get one to you... we'll have to try harder to help each other tomorrow morning, ok?"  Silence...

I let it go.  I turned up the music, I sang along, and I watched her little face.  A few minutes later, out of no where, a voice from the backseat began to sing along to the music as well.  When the song ended, she started to tell me about her day.  I heard about her new partner at school, and which centers she hoped to go to.  I heard about how excited she was to turn in her scarecrow project (which needs its own post).  And by the time we pulled into the school parking lot (and parked in the muddy grass because there were no spots left), she was her chatty self again. 

She skipped down the sidewalk, bounced into her classroom, and made her way to her seat with a smile.  We were late.  She didn't even care.  As I kissed and hugged her by SHE told ME to have a good day, and I laughed.  Oh how we are two different people!  At her age, this morning would have left me wounded all day long.  My Gator though, sometimes I think she's invincible.  And she always makes me smile. 

But I just want to say I love you...

I tucked my Gator into bed last night, snuggled her up, kissed her forehead, and told her I loved her.  She laid there quietly while I was walking away, and then I heard a little voice call out, "Mommy?"  I knew if I went back in the room I might not get away without tears running down her little face, so I called back from where I was and asked what she needed. 

The little voice responded with, "I need another hug". 

I almost told her she was fine and to go to sleep.  I almost said not right now, I can't come.  I almost just said no.  But instead I had a thought.  I thought about how blessed I am to have that little voice calling out to me.  I thought about how absolutely perfect the little owner of that voice makes my life.  I thought about what it would be like to not have the chance for that hug she was asking for.  And so I climbed up from my chair and walked back to her.  She looped her arms around my neck in what could only be called a bear hug, and left a slobbery mark on my cheek with her kisses.  I once again tucked her in, kissed her, and walked away.  Moments later, the same little voice called out once again.  I again asked what it is that she needed, and reminded her that she needed to go to sleep or she would be too sleepy to get up for school in the morning.

The little voice responded with, "But I just wanted to say I love you". 

There have been too many times when my child's wants have gone unrecognized, because I'm too exhausted, too busy, too overwhelmed.  She calls for glasses of water when she is trying not to fall asleep.  She begs for another book when she wants someone to sit with her.  She complains of itchy sheets when she wants an excuse to get up.  And I always say no, say go to sleep, say not right now. 

But how could a mommy say no to that little voice, when they just want to tell you they love you?  I am so blessed to have this little girl in my life.  She makes every single day a challenge, sometimes she makes me crazy, she is stubborn and feisty and a little bit chaotic.  But she makes my days worth waking up to, and my nights worth making that extra trip to her bedside. 

Because really, I just wanted to say I love you one more time too. 

Go on, try not to cry!

I'm going to call this one a Must Read for Parents.  I was lucky enough to chance across this post, and it brought tears to my eyes.  Maybe it's just me and I'm just at one of those points in my life where these words truly spoke to me.  But whether that is true or not, the words that Fonda has written here are true and touching.

So go read Holding On and Letting Go over at tweenstoteens.  :)

A small exert:

"But you only get this part...this holding on...by letting go.
And it's scary because you are never sure that if you let go, they will come back to you.  There is a moment of free choice where they could choose to run far and fast.
But you hold your breath and take the risk.  And their turning to you is so much sweeter than your holding on."

On a side note - I think Saturdays are from this point on going to be "Share-a-post Saturdays".  There are so many great bloggers out there, and I'm always finding posts I want to share with others!  So thanks Fonda for inspiring something new! :)